Disobedience and Divine Discipline
My husband reports hearing Dr. Spock, famous for his books on child-rearing, speak in Dallas in the 1980’s. Spock announced himself as being “the one who screwed you all up.” It is obvious due to the rampant dysfunction, crime, drug-use, and violence in today’s world that the common methods in which parents have been instructed for centuries to raise their children have failed miserably. Guns are now being escorted on fashion runways by “super-models,” as if to indicate some warped kind of sophistication. Centuries worth of not listening to children has led to this dysfunction. Many factions of society are updating their methods of raising children. Although pertinent, this is not a study about these new improved methods, but a study on the still rampant psychological, physical, and sexual, child abuse that is apparent in most authoritarian cults whose roots remain deeply buried in patriarchal “family values.” Instead of working towards relation, these cults work towards domination of the individual by the leader, which in the case of Jehovah’s Witnesses is the organization. In an organization whose individual members profess to maintain an alignment with God, one would expect to find children who are treated well with care. Sadly, my survey did not reveal such findings. Since sexual abuse did not come up within the context of my survey, possibly due to the difficulties of disclosing such personal information to a stranger, I have excluded lengthy discourse on this topic. However, I will say that sexual abuse seems to be as common an issue in “God’s earthly organization” as it is for people living in “the world.” Although reports of affection in the home are limited, reports of physical abuse are plentiful. Tracy E., a twenty-four year old woman who left the organization at eighteen, was disfellowshipped at age twenty. She reported “no lack of affection” in her home “even if [her] mother (the JW parent) was overly forceful with her beliefs.” She described having been very obedient all through childhood, requiring little discipline. She states the recurrence of JW related nightmares to be “at least every week or two.” Of the fourteen survey participants, five reported severe physical abuse. Most others did not mention discipline, which does not necessarily imply its absence; one other person alluded to the possibility of extreme physical abuse. Two others gave answers that remain open to interpretation: one male simply used the phrase “harsh, very harsh” to describe his experience of discipline; Dixie reported, “Occasionally got the belt, usually on the bare bottom. Sometimes hand smacks, often got popped on the head with an inkpen during meetings! How embarrassing. . .” Other parents are not so kind in doling out discipline during meetings. Parents are firmly instructed to discipline misbehaving children whether out in public or in the home. In For Your Own Good: Hidden Cruelty in Child-Rearing and the Roots of Violence, psychoanalyst Alice Miller addresses the complex issue of the current perpetrator as a past victim. She states, “. . . what is really at issue in everything [perpetrators] do to others when they despise and demean them is the attempt to exterminate their own former weakness and to avoid sorrow” (188-89). Further deepening this stance she reports, “Those who persecute others are warding off knowledge of their own fate as victims” (197). She dissects what she terms, “poisonous pedagogy,” and briefly relates stories of several leaders of the Third Reich, including Hitler. Miller states. “Among the leading figures of the Third Reich, I have not been able to find a single one who did not have a strict and rigid upbringing. Shouldn’t that give us a great deal of food for thought” (65)? According to Miller, Hitler was born into a family with a long line of abuse. In his youth, each and every emotion was constantly squelched by the hand of discipline while cruel punishments were given. There was also a question of the legitimacy of his father, which created strained currents of discord. When a child is totally suppressed, as in Hitler’s case, he internalizes the hate that has been turned on him. The only way for a child to release his venomous anger in a healthy way is through mourning the lost childhood, and to mourn the atrocities carried out by the ones who “loved” him. To do this, of course, requires awareness of one’s predicament. “The pedagogue must also put a very early stop to the desire to know, so that the child does not become aware too early of what is being done to him” (Miller 33). When obedience reigns as the supreme quality in which to gain parental favor, the parents relinquish responsibility to love, protect, and nurture their child. They may feed and house the child, but when no emotions are allowed, the child’s soul is essentially murdered. The above example is extreme, and I have heard of no cases in which an ex-Witness becomes a tyrannical psychopath. The example is relevant with regard to the potential effects of breaking a child’s spirit. In fact, ex-Witnesses tend to hurt themselves through drug-use, guilty consciences, or self-degradation much more often than they hurt others. For centuries parenting skills have been taught by using edicts similar to the following passage:
The child should be totally and completely shut out of the adult’s world unless the child’s spontaneous, inquisitive nature is replaced by total conformity and listless stoicism. The parent should withhold all love and affection until the child shows full obedience. Miller cites a mid-nineteenth century child-rearing manual: “Suppress everything in the child, keep everything away from him that he should not make his own, and guide him perseveringly toward everything to which he should habituate himself” (Italics hers, 90). The Watch Tower suggests that parents use similar methods, for the parent who spares the rod hates his child, says Jehovah. Parents are encouraged to “go on bringing [children] up in the discipline and mental-regulating of Jehovah” (NWT). Botting quotes the 1942 King James Version of this scripture, Ephesians 6:4, which reads a bit more gently, “. . . bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord” (99). The Watch Tower Society quite strictly admonishes the youth of wrongdoing while encouraging parents to use corporal discipline. In scriptures, the expression “the rod,” can be interpreted both literally (physically) and figuratively (psychologically). From the WT’s 1995 CD ROM, which contains magazines dating back decades, one finds the following quote from the article “Disciplining Children for Life” from the January 15, 1954 Watch Tower. “With some children occasions arise when words fall short, and parents may have to become men and women of action, applying the rod to preserve the child from spoiling. Though it understands your words, it may not pay heed . . . .” (54-55, italics mine). The above mentioned Watch Tower article quotes Proverbs 20:30, “Blows that wound cleanse away evil; strokes make clean the innermost parts” (CD. WT 15 Jan., 1954 : 54). A few years later the Watch Tower writers rephrased the scripture in the New World Translation of the Holy Scriptures. This happens quite often since the writers at Brooklyn predominantly use previous Watch Tower publications as reference materials as the society searches for new light. “Bruising wounds are what scours away the bad; and strokes, the innermost parts of the belly” (CD. WT 15 Feb. 1980 : 27). The article in which this scripture appears goes on to say, “When accepted in the right spirit, firm discipline not only restrains acts of wrongdoing but also motivates people to make internal changes for the better.” Motivation through fear is effective only in squashing the child’s spirit. Miller states, “. . . parents always mistreat children for psychological reasons, i.e., because of their own needs” (16, italics hers). She states further:
This euphoric feeling she speaks of is equitable to the zeal with which many young Witnesses carry their beliefs door-to-door, at meetings, and in everything they do. They believe they are “happy” to do “God’s will” and this binds them to the impression that they are happy in life. Hassan says:
Of course, children do not have an option whether to stay or leave. However, many, who cannot psychologically bear the restrictions, no matter how “happy” they once were, find themselves either suicidal, escaping through drug use, or rebelling intensely in mid to late adolescence. In addition to coping with the problems brought on by the cult, whatever abuses the parent has endured in his or her lifetime are projected unconsciously onto the child. Judging from the survey, there is very little real communication taking place in Witness homes. Many participants mentioned an absence of sharing true feelings. Instead, children are force-fed the ways in which they are supposed to feel. In fact, they are not supposed to feel at all. Even though Jeff described his childhood as relatively happy, he reported:
Children are simply to obey what their parents tell them, and what Jehovah (the organization) tells them. Witness parents are very quiet about their own lives before the cult. They are trained, by the organization, not to address their past pain since their lives now revolve around saving the world, and working towards an existence in eternal paradise. It has been demonstrated that children are quite adept at sensing these abuses that parents keep ostensibly hidden. What is more is that in keeping silent, the parent is also denying him or her-self the chance to mourn. By ignoring pain it becomes further imbedded into the parent’s psyche and therefore transferred unconsciously, or psychically, to the child. It is a cycle that can only be broken by an awakening. “Once a child’s eyes are opened to the power game of child-rearing, there is hope that he or she will be freed from the chains of ‘poisonous pedagogy,’ for this child will be able to remember what happened to him or her” (Miller 76). The same thing can be said for children of cults. Once a child becomes aware of, and unsatisfied with, the mindless, rote answers of the obedient mother or father and begins seeking answers elsewhere, there is usually no turning back. The impressions that the child senses from the parents trauma transfers into the child’s unconscious mind. The child can then store up not only the rage of their own mistreatment, but also that of her parents. The troubles of our world, when looked upon thus, are no mystery. There has been much cruelty inflicted in the name of God, religion, selfishness, and greed. Our collective unconscious has endured much suffering. Although they may be unable to articulate it, children have an uncanny ability to sense what is truly happening around them. Having less developed intellect than adults, they must rely more heavily on their own intuitive senses. Children can feel the secrets their parents attempt to conceal. Even the intensely suppressed child feels the secrets although she dismisses her feelings as improper or “evil.” Children become “anxious by secretiveness, by their parents hushing things up, by whatever touches upon their parents feelings of shame, guilt, or fear” (Miller 134). Miller states further that “time after time, the amazing fact is uncovered that sons and daughters are unconsciously reenacting their parents’ fate -- all the more intensely the less precise their knowledge of it” (133). Terr quotes a concentration camp survivor and psychoanalyst:
The cult-child is exposed to the abuses taking place in her own life, as well as the abuses her parents have endured. This fact combined with a forbearance to address true feelings and emotions with her parents, leads to a life of isolation. An isolation from the world outside the cult, and from most or all significant role models in her life. Many of the survey participants reported intense feelings of isolation at school accompanied by pervading feelings of loneliness. The cult-child may be fortunate enough to have contact with non-believing relatives who are able to nurture her through her childhood. She may have a few “worldly friends” in whom she can confide. But these relationships are usually restricted and watched very closely by the believing parents, and at least until the child is old enough to rebel, the relationships may be terminated by the arm of the parents in the name of Jehovah. When the child rebels, the parents’ attempts to quash the child continue. Only when a child is disfellowshipped and the parents are instructed to withhold “spiritual” advise is a child somewhat free to choose her own course. But then she is often kicked out of the house or given an ultimatum, “While you’re under our roof you will do as we say.” If she cannot submit to the demands of the faith, she is thrown away like a piece of unsanitary garbage. Betrayals such as this, repeatedly administered, even under less extreme circumstances, bring a deep sense of isolation to the child which very often carry into adulthood. Most of the survey participants reported being very obedient children until the ages of twelve to seventeen. This is when most rebellious activity began. Eight participants reported leading double lives, but some of these people were primarily obedient until at least mid-adolescence. Life at school was usually reported as being somewhat wild, with four reporting drug and alcohol use. Life at home was withdrawn. The fear of wrong-doing is often the reason very young Witness children are reported by their teachers to be extraordinarily “well behaved.” On my own report cards from earliest childhood, I received many “plusses” (+) for my behavior. However, in first grade I received my only “minus” (-) for participation in class activities. In second grade, I was again encouraged to “participate in group discussions.” I was a very well behaved child, yet frozen watchfulness prevented me from participating in group activities. This fearful state that I lived in subsided moderately as I matured, yet fiercely took hold again after I was disfellowshipped in eleventh grade. Drug use, through junior and senior high, reduced my fear and opened me up to the world in such a way that, for the first time, I felt as if I had a personality. A scripture habitually quoted in Watch Tower publications is Proverbs 22:15 which states, “Foolishness is tied up in the heart of a boy; the rod of discipline is what will remove it far from him” (NWT). Another is Proverbs 23:13, “Do not hold back discipline from the mere boy. In case you beat him with the rod, he will not die” (NWT). Of course, in this case, literalism is embellished. These scriptures are equally applied to girls. I can remember many times at the Kingdom Hall hearing children’s wailing cries from the hand of discipline. In society literature, parents are advised that feeding a child a heavy meal before meetings gives her an excuse to repeatedly get up to use the restroom. Children are required to sit still and pay strict attention at the meetings. This makes for some very bored children. Daydreaming and self-hypnosis are common practices during meetings. Dave reports:
A female participant, B, wrote that her parents “were heavy drinkers prior to their joining the WTS [Watch Tower Society].” However, their faith did not deter them from severely beating her. She reports:
A male in the survey writes:
This is not to say that every Witness parent resorts to physical punishment. It may be somewhat safe to assume that physical abuse has lessened slightly in the last two decades since portions of modern society have embraced more humane methods of punishment, and since parents are now more often held accountable for their actions. Witnesses seeking mental health treatment are often “spoken to” by the elders. It is the biblical advice of the elders that should be valued. Thinking optimistically, the seepage in recent years from talk shows, self-help books, and television news programs may have brought some awareness to those in the cult. Of course this is mere speculation. Viki, a twenty-one year old woman who began the difficult process of breaking away at age sixteen, may add reverse light to this speculation. Here, she recounts her experience:
Four out of the fourteen survey participants disclosed having had suicidal tendencies, or attempting suicide from seven years old through adolescence. At least two of the people still struggle with the issue. If the society began taking action against parents and disfellowshipping them for physical abuse (which is unlikely to an extreme), the mental abuse inflicted would still remain severe enough to do much intense damage. The abused child is often blamed for the abuse, and again admonished by the elders with the support of other popular scriptures, Ephesians 6:2-3: 2 “Honor your father and [your] mother” ; which is the first command with a promise: 3 “That it may go well with you and you may endure a long time on the earth” (NWT, all punctuation and brackets in original). Overall, the survey participants suggested very little joy within their childhood homes. Often, the parents’ love was completely conditional and, as one person reported, “performance-based.”
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