The Tartarean Paradise of the Cult-Child Hesiod tells us that Erebus and Tartarus, the upper and lower realms of Hades, were born, together with Night and Earth, itself, from the primeval Chasm. . . . A guarded bronze wall runs around Tartarus, surrounded by Night. Within it is the Abyss, where a [child] could fall for a year and not touch bottom. Alice K. Turner, The History of Hell (21) The funnel opens widely, trickling down into a narrow stream. In assessing the varieties and the effects of trauma experienced by children, one can find cult-children clinging to the walls of the lower, narrow tunnel. They remain silent and hidden. They are in fear of being flushed, for they find their only safety within these tunnel walls. Those born into a cult know nothing else. Those indoctrinated at a very young age quickly forget much of what they knew of life before the cult. For example, for young Witness converts following one or both parents into the cult, the most obvious memories that must be replaced with “new light” are those of birthdays and holidays. Where these memories may once have elicited joy and enthusiasm, the new light shining only illumes the wickedness of such “pagan holidays.” Memories become twisted, confused, surreal, and, finally, unreal. The child is quickly swept into the vortex of activity required of all followers. Therefore, the memories become blurred, distorted, and eventually fade into the black and white landscape that is now the cult. In my life today, recognizing that I draw conclusions based on assumptions does not make it easier for me to rid myself of old conditioning. This forces me to see that I am still shedding years of mind-controlling tactics from a pseudo-spirituality based on the teachings of one man from over a century ago. The ethics of “love” presented to the cult-child teach that if someone does not believe like you, they are evil. If they do not act like you, they are weird. If they do not value what you value, they are unworthy. This thinking--or rather this not thinking--is extremely difficult to cast off and says if this woman, my neighbor, is different than me she must be judged. Behind this is the conditioned complex that says “she is judging me.” Being raised in a cult is about judgment. Children are constantly being judged while being taught never to judge another person, for this is a sin. Obviously, this is an impossible feat, and very confusing indeed. Being judgmental is often a defense mechanism--a way to justify isolation from the outside world, and sometimes, a way to keep one’s ego from totally deflating. Is this human nature? I don't believe so. From my experience it is conditioned behavior. Judgment is a legacy. Sexism, racism, homophobia, classism, lookism, are all examples of learned belief systems. One is not born in judgment of strangers. One usually is trusting until learning that to trust is detrimental and dangerous. This is something that one learns by significant people in one's life, e.g., parents, teachers, ministers, friends, distant cousins. “The essence of mind control is that it encourages dependence and conformity, and discourages autonomy and individuality” (Hassan 55). In addition to gaining a command of her native tongue, learning the simple tasks of brushing her teeth, combing her hair, making her bed, and learning to read, write, add, and subtract, the child being indoctrinated into a cult must, from the very earliest time, begin memorizing (consciously or otherwise) the edicts of the cult. Hassan further states:
Although Hassan generally speaks of adults, these ideas are at least equally applicable to children. When a pre-school child is inundated with assimilating or memorizing doctrine, not only does it cut into her play time, which is important developmentally, it depletes her spirit as she learns that she is required to think rigidly, one way. Behavior and outward appearances are immediately learned to be of the utmost importance. “A child conditioned to be well-behaved must not notice what she is feeling, but asks herself what she ought to feel” (Miller 121). She learns to distrust her own feelings and inclinations, and to rely only on her parents and “Jehovah’s word” to give her answers to everything from what style clothing she should prefer, to whether she will tattle on her friend, or if she really needs (and has time for) that brand new bouncing ball. This creates a huge void in the child’s self-esteem and self-confidence. This will affect her later at school and in her dealings with other people during her entire childhood. There is not a decision to be made in which it is acceptable to exclude omnipotent Jehovah’s demands on the matter. This methodology of dependence creates a vast margin of self-loathing. In the quest for perfection, one is repeatedly reminded of one’s inadequacy. Inferiority is juxtaposed with the supremacy of being one of God’s chosen people. Hassan states, “Since the doctrine is perfect and the leader is perfect, any problem that crops up is assumed to be the fault of the individual member. He learns always to blame himself and work harder” (63). When fear of thinking one’s own thoughts, and fear of erring lest death be imminent, is instilled at such a young, formidable age, the consequences are boundless. The threat of public humiliation--or “persecution” as the Witnesses call it--is enough to mortify a child. Children are specifically warned to expect persecution upon entrance to school. To avoid mortification, one is forced to withdraw from the world of one’s peers as one goes through the motions of reading, writing, and arithmetic. A sense of invisibility takes hold. Confusion abounds as the small child fails to see the professed evility among her peers at school. Christine, a woman who was raised as a Witness, reported,
Terror is the main ingredient in psychic trauma. Traumatophobia is the “fear of fear itself” or “fear of further fear” (Terr 38-39). Terr found that, “once traumatized, human victims of all ages would naturally tend to stay put. Their utter helplessness, established during the first moments of trauma, would interfere with free thinking and action” (39). Although Terr, for all practical purposes, is speaking here of specific traumatic incidents, I propose that the cult child, because of her lack of choice, ingests this same type of fear. Incrementally, over time, she eventually accustoms herself to her fear. In her fear, she becomes functional insofar as she is going to school, doing homework, attending all the required cult activities, and studying the society’s literature in preparation for the meetings. The “fear of Jehovah” is presented as the most desirable trait a youngster can have. To demonstrate, a profile of a seventeen year old male in the AOL examination quotes a scripture from the Bible, “The fear of Jehovah is the beginning of knowledge. Wisdom and discipline are what mere fools have despised. -- Solomon, Proverbs 1: 7.” “Stress is different from a single overwhelming experience or a series of overwhelming ordeals. Stress is to be expected in an ordinary lifetime. Traumatic events are not” (Terr 10). One may ask how learning the Bible can be equated with a traumatic event. Horror writer Stephen King has said that “you can’t beat the Bible as horror literature” (254). Dave, a survey participant, shares a perception of his childhood, “The main feeling in my childhood was fear. Fear from my dad, then fear from my baby sitter. Then as I got older it was the fear of Armageddon, then fear of getting caught. My main motivation in my younger life was fear.” The Bible would not be a complete book without coming full circle from the creation stories of the book of Genesis, to the looming apocalypse of Armageddon in the book of Revelation. In this way it presents, as every good book does, a beginning, a middle, and an end. In the AOL profile examination, out of the ten girls under eighteen years old whose quote was JW related, half quoted from the book of Revelation. The interpretations that the Witnesses give to the book of Revelation are literal. There is no such thing as mythology in this sect. I doubt that they allow the study of mythology since it encompasses the study of deities other than Jehovah. This would be seen as the equivalent of false worship in the eyes of the true believer. It is true that all five girls quoted the same scripture, namely Revelation 21:4, which indicates the hopefulness that young girls attempt to maintain in this hopeless and threatening world of dark blood poetry. This is consistent with Brown and Gilligan’s findings that girls strive to find mediation and peacefulness. Even though three of the girls’ profiles came up under the keywords, “former Jehovah,” in my search for ex-members, I chose to apply them to the study since two also came up in the category in which I pulled 97% of the profiles with the generic keywords, “Jehovah’s Witness.” One girl’s quote reads, “I look forward to the new system where I can see my close friends that died. ‘And he will wipe out every tear from their eyes and death will be no more, neither will mourning nor outcry nor pain be anymore. The former things have passed away.” Although the sample from this informal study is in no way to be interpreted as conclusive data, it is interesting that out of six boys with a JW related quote, none chose this scripture. To live under constant threat of obliteration is no easy task. Depending upon the parents’ tendencies toward corporal punishment, or sexual and verbal abuse, each cult-child’s traumatic experiences vary widely. The child born to the cult knows no other way than the path chiseled by her parents. Regardless of whether the parents inflict additional abuses, and given that there are no extenuating traumas outside the home, trauma commences the first time she is lulled to sleep by the literal interpretation and embellished prophecies of John, the writer of the Bible’s book of Revelation. Each time she asks a question that evokes a thought-stopping response, she is invalidated and trauma further sets in. Deeper and deeper it goes until, and unless, the process of awakening begins. This is where the child begins to require a strong sense of herself, separate and unique from that of her parents. A most viable look into this separation is Apter’s conclusion that the child, apathetic to her parents opinion of her, feels this way due to parental rejection. In the cult, since the worth of the child is placed beneath the importance of illusive Jehovah, the child senses this rejection from infancy, and perhaps while still in the womb. “Why,” the child may ask, “is invisible Jehovah more important than I, unless I myself am less than invisible, hence worthless.” Although these words may not actually cross the child’s mind, they penetrate fully into the child’s psyche; thereby making authentic self-esteem an impossibility. When the child is given no personal choice or the opportunity to make her own judgment calls with the inevitable errors that arise, she is ripped of her humanness. She descends into the confines of the suppressed.
Lenore Terr states,
This is not to say that all suppressed children grow up inflicting their rage on others; they may take it out sufficiently on themselves through addictions or self-ridicule. Through the constant squelching of “selfish” or human desires such as sleeping, eating, thinking, and sexual stimulation (Appel 92), the child (or adult cult member) begins to objectify oneself in terms of being a “vessel,” “tool,” or even a “slave” of Jehovah or one’s parents. Last summer, upon reviewing a stack of old letters forgotten for twenty years, I found some priceless pearls. After my baptism at age fourteen, my sister, age twenty-four at the time, congratulated me with a card in which she wrote:
The child of Jehovah learns that she is different, “not of this world.” Furthermore, as a girl, she is taught early on that her place in the world is inferior to men. These prophecies come true as she enters school and sees how very different she is from her peers. She lives in a world of isolation and loneliness in her duty to the illusive Jehovah. The persecution about which she has been warned when attending meetings, by the “kingdom literature” and her parents, is confirmed daily as she feels herself so completely distinct and out of place. To the Witness parents, the child’s feeling of isolation “in the world” is important. This secures her place, no matter how volatile, in the Witness community. Isolation is kept in the spotlight as the child is warned that “bad associations spoil useful habits” and as she is prohibited from participating in school activities. Witness children leave the classroom, or refuse to stand when the national anthem is played. They are prohibited from participating in or drawing any art that is connected to any “pagan” holidays, including Mother’s Day. Back in the 1960’s and 1970’s, girls’ dresses could not be above the knee. At most of today’s public schools, dress codes have relaxed so a Witness girl embarrassed by a certain style of dress can abscond this dilemma by wearing slacks or jeans. Witness children are often made to feel like “nerds” or “geeks” because of the ways in which they must dress and behave to please the organization. This also takes a toll on one’s self-esteem. In the sixties, when the Beatles and John Lennon were popular, there was a rule against wearing wire-rimmed glasses. There was another rule against males wearing “light blue shirts.” These things, for various inane reasons, were considered evil. Lately, on my online mailing list of ex-JW’s, there has been discussions of the Society’s ban of “smurf” dolls. They too were considered evil. How must a child feel when the smurf sheets she has been enjoying and sleeping on, are torn from her bed because of the society’s latent conclusion that the symbols are “all of a sudden” evil? She would surely be mortified to know that she has been spending time with these demonic presences, and she would surely feel the “uncleanliness” of these items. More precisely, she would feel the imagined uncleanliness after the sheets have been thrown in the trash. She may question for one moment, “But why mommy? I liked my smurf sheets.” She may realize that they made her feel good instead of bad. It is at this point that she must first utilize the thought-stopping techniques for which she has been groomed. The thought stopping techniques used by Jehovah’s Witnesses are repetition of “favorite” scriptures, recognition of the thought that one “must always serve Jehovah,” and the constant acknowledgment of the seeping presence and seduction of “Satan the Devil.” To justify this total submission, the child must constantly tell herself that her feelings cannot be trusted. What she once perceived as simply “good and nice” things, must now be perceived as “bad and destructive” forces. There is now an evil energy behind this from which, like Pavlov’s dogs conditioned to salivate at the sound of a bell, the child is conditioned to shrink in terror. Chills may go up her spine as she feels what she perceives to be Satan’s presence. Her young body becomes rigid in fear, her heart may race, her palms sweat. She calms herself down by repeating to herself that in doing the right thing, she is serving God. She will, by this subjection, be accepted into the paradise earth where she will live forever. Now, she is appeased, and she can finally rest. Thinking of such foreboding enemies, physiological and psychological responses to terror take place within the child. Terr states, “‘Psychic trauma’ occurs when a sudden, unexpected, overwhelmingly intense emotional blow or a series of blows assaults the person from outside. Traumatic events are external, but they quickly become incorporated into the mind” (8, italics mine). Psycho-somatic illnesses are manifestations of illness in the physical body that the psyche cannot absorb due to being overwhelmed. The constant repeated exposure to the gory and terrorizing images of the Watch Tower, coupled with repeated fear tactics of death and destruction, can be equaled to “a series of blows” that is then ingested into the body/mind of the young Witness child. If this is all she knows, she has no outlet for relief from this conscious nightmare. The external events of which Terr speaks are, in this case, rather than actual events, the feared events of the future. The fear is in place because the events are presented as unquestionably real near-future occurrences. Graphic illustrations of apocalyptic hell depicting war-heads blazing to earth aimed towards large cities, or “Babylon the Great,” are a common sight on the covers and pages of Witness publications. Buildings are shown tumbling down on small children, and people from “Christendom” (false religions) are shown trampling each other. These are contrasted with illustrations of a paradise earth where the “faithful and discreet slaves” smile with glazed eyes, as the young child in the background gently strokes the resting lion. Children are lured into “Paradise” by the promise of having a pet lion or other exotic animal in the “new world.” Of course with images like these, there is no choice given. The child’s “decision” is pre-defined. By going the way of God, she shuns the way of the world, and, as depicted, the way of the “wicked whore of Babylon.” In shunning the world, she saves her family relations and her life. Terr states
Of course there are contrasts between the traumas of being kidnapped and buried in an earthen hole with waning hope of survival, as in the case of the Chowchilla children, and being raised in an apocalyptic cult. The main difference is the condensed nature of the kidnapping. Is there a difference in the way in which a child perceives a physical threat, and a threat that is presented as and believed to be a physical threat? This difference can be equated to that of receiving either a single blow, gaping, visceral wound or thousands of small wounds covering the entire body. One can bleed to death in either case. Surviving either experience will lead to permanent scarring. In nightmares, virtual reality experiments, and neighborhood video arcades, it is natural to perspire with adrenaline rushing, heart pumping, and eyes bulging. There are very real physical effects from the excitement, fear, or challenge people are “virtually” facing. However, the body, after disengaging from the above mentioned experiences, quickly goes back to normal functioning and the mind is not permanently affected. The cult-child’s body, however, remains permanently engaged, due to the imminent arrival of doom. This does not mean that they run around with eyes bulging or constantly dripping with perspiration, but that their bodies are hyper aware of the potential threat. The knowledge that Armageddon is expected at any time invokes hair-raising fear from a crack of thunder, upon seeing such “demonized” signs as the number “666” even though it be a mailing address, or, as mentioned, a smurf doll. In Trauma and Recovery, Dr. Judith Herman calls this state “autonomic hyperarousal” (100). On her list of potential candidates for the type of trauma that results from “prolonged, repeated trauma” (119), or, what she has coined as “complex post traumatic stress disorder,” are those with a
“In general, the diagnostic categories of the existing psychiatric canon are simply not designed for survivors of extreme situations and do not fit them well” (118). Complex post traumatic stress disorder (CPTSD) is often present in survivors of prolonged and repeated abuse. What is popularly known as “post traumatic stress disorder,” often results from single incident traumatic events. CPTSD sufferers experience different symptoms than survivors of “ordinary psychosomatic disorders. Their depression is not the same as ordinary depression. And the degradation of their identity and relational life is not the same as ordinary personality disorder” (118). These symptoms can, and often do, follow the abused or traumatized child into adulthood. A few remnants of the person’s past that may manifest in recurring behaviors or indications, as expressed by Herman, may be the following: persistent dysphoria, which she explains as “almost impossible to describe. It is a state of confusion, agitation, emptiness, and utter aloneness” (108); self-injury, shame, guilt, self-blame, senses of helplessness, defilement, stigma, a complete difference from others, rationalizations of perpetrator, preoccupation with relationship with perpetrator (includes preoccupation with revenge), isolation and withdrawal, disruption in intimate relationships, persistent distrust, repeated failures of self-protection, sense of hopelessness and despair (121). Herman also references Terr’s outline for repeated abuse and trauma. Terr’s “description of the Type II syndrome includes denial and psychic numbing, self-hypnosis and dissociation, and alternations between extreme passivity and outbursts of rage“ (120). If treatment or exploration into the trauma is not sought, if the issues are not dealt with, if the person chooses to live without addressing the pain they endured, they become unwilling participants in the perpetuation of abuse. The state of numbing that requires this perpetuation is self-activated and constantly realized in day-to-day activities. Existence is possible in this state, but living fully is not. If serious effort is not made to address the root of the problem, it is very likely that the trauma will linger in the mind/body/soul of the adult child. Addressing painful issues is difficult and best done incrementally when the person is prepared to experience and, to a degree, re-live the trauma. Through re-experiencing, there is a world of opportunity awaiting to come to deeper understanding, review perspectives, and to experience growth, relational development, soul-resurrection, healing, and possibly even forgiveness, interspersed with occasional feelings of new found joy. “When abused children note signs of danger, they attempt to protect themselves either by avoiding or by placating the abuser” (100). Witness children cannot avoid Jehovah, who is everywhere, all the time, watching every move. Although many make serious attempts by being zealous, ardent, followers, placating Jehovah is only remotely possible by demanding perfect behavior of oneself.
I had a cubby-hole where I hid until I was five years old and we moved. I sat there for what seems now like hours at a time shivering in fear and filled with images of carnage, destruction and penetrating evil. When I hid there, I hid from Satan the Devil. I hoped that he did not know where I was.
When we moved to our new town and I started first grade, I was the first one on, and the last one off, the bus. The bus driver was a young man, probably in his early twenties. He was pleasant enough, and he always said “good morning” and “good-bye.” I was so conditioned by the literature, and the influences (verbal and non-verbal) of my parents, my sisters, and the meetings, to fear everyone in “the world,” that each day I quickly ran to the very back of the bus and stooped down as far in the back seat as I could, so the bus driver could not see or harm me. Although he was harmless, I was terrified of him. “You are . . . so overwhelmed, that you feel lucky not to die with a crazy heart rhythm or a burst blood vessel” (Terr 8). This perfectly describes the terror I experienced each day during first grade. Constantly cautioned of the “evils of men,” if people were kind to me, men or women, I was told, “They are just trying to be nice.” In other words, “They don’t really like you. They’re doing this out of selfishness. They only want to put on appearances in order to save face and hurt you.” These examples are part of the total isolation experienced by cult children. Even though physically it is practically impossible to fully separate oneself from the world unless holed up in a compound as in Waco or Jonestown, psychological isolation is easily attained by fear tactics. In the surveys and in conversations with ex-cult-children, separateness from those “in the world” is defined in very real terms by feeling totally different, excluded, “not normal” and isolated from peers. One person told me that, upon speaking to “worldly” people as a child, he always felt a sort of shield since he knew that the person with whom he was speaking was going to die at Armageddon. This “shielded” him, and later prevented him, from becoming close to anyone until he became aware of his behavior. This shrinking back from people can be equated to those instances when a friend or relative is dying. The feeling of one’s inadequacy to save one’s loved one often creates a similar distance. A fine example of the separateness achieved by JW children is the following quote from a thirteen year old Witness boy from the AOL profiles. “If you aren’t one of Jehovah’s witnesses don’t e-mail or IM [instant message] me.” This is a perfect example of how children are programmed to desire fellowship only with other Witnesses. Upon reading into it further, it is also a fine example of their rigid attempts to divert debate and humiliation, i.e., comments that would require them to “think” outside the realm of the cult’s doctrine, or have contact with undesirable worldly influences. This particular youth is also physically isolated in that he is a student of home-schooling. Home-schooling is mentioned in five AOL profiles: one boy, one girl, and three mothers. This seems to be a fairly high average, and a recent trend. The isolation of the cult experience includes the feeling of distinction from the rest of the world and the belief that one is entitled to the teachings of God’s “only true religion.” There is protection within the tunnel walls, within the confines of the cult. Appel states that cult members “feel different, special, singled out, and personally attended by God. They also feel superior to those outside the cult, privy to secret knowledge and secret power” (73). Being one of the few chosen by Jehovah to survive Armageddon gives one a sense of feeling special and privileged, something, sadly enough, often lacking in childhood. It is my opinion that many adults drawn into totalitarian systems are seeking respite from destructive or desolate childhoods. In search of a grand protector, or archetypal father figure, they are led to a place where all responsibility is transferred to a greater being. All questions are answered. Responsibility for major decisions, which bring much pain and consternation to the adult-child of abuse or neglect, is transferred. People are lured by the images of perfection (they long to be perfect) and paradise (since their own lives were hell). Appel states:
My paternal grandfather was an erratic tyrant. He beat my father for small, insignificant oversights including once for having been five minutes late for dinner. My grandmother, whom my father converted much later, could not cope with her husband’s abuse, or the pressures of raising nine children. Apparently, while my father was a child, my grandmother spent some time in a crib with severe depression. My mother was a victim of grave abuse as well. They were both severely abused children long before the age of child abuse awareness. They became adults at a time when society had not fully grasped the implications of mental illness and wellness, and at a time when therapy was primarily popular in metropolitan areas, if at all. At that time, abuse was not conversation fodder. My parents were snared into the cult by an older “sweet and kind,” German couple shortly after my father left a disappointing post at a fine university and relocated a few states away. They were prime targets for the snares of a cult: in transition and vulnerable, both desperately needing love, nurturance, and understanding of their own pasts, thirty-two and twenty-seven years old. They found a community that condemned the entire world instead of condemning the child abuse they suffered. They found a community in which they could feel superior, not inferior as they had for so long. They found a community where they could live forever on a paradise earth, smile and laugh, sing and dance, pet the lions, tend the garden, with the promise of never getting sick, never being sad, never shedding a tear, never being lied to, never being cheated, never being falsely accused of not feeding the horses, never being molested, never being raped, never being beaten to a pulp, never being commonplace insignificant poverty stricken nothings for all of eternity. They found a community that was out to save the world, not improve the one in which they currently lived. This community professed separation from everything hateful, selfish, and cruel in the extremely unsafe world they both knew so well. This community gave my parents the only hope they had ever known. I think they would have been better off in therapy where they would have learned to deal with their problems. For instead of learning tolerance, they have both been driven further to that which they were foreordained: extremes of intolerance. The rigidity of their youth has been confirmed and affirmed. Instead of breaking free and growing, cement was poured across the gardens of their psyches where they remained frozen in time.
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